coming up for air

coming up for air 

On the last three nights

I’ve heard claps and cheers

out the window 

coming from the building 

across from me,

lights flicker from on to off 

on floors four, five, and six

as if in collaboration 

with our past many weekends,

it makes me wonder

if anyone else 

knows what collusion is,

the recent disappearance

of my ‘my list’ on Netflix,

a crisis when monopoly 

becomes more than just a board game,

lovers the tokens 

that someone else plays.

The days of our lives

broadcasted on NBC

for longer than we’ve known 

what life on TV means,

a drama depicted on screen

while off the set 

the actors without their script

can’t match words with feeling,

I said, 

“We were born with the answers,

we just have to stop ignoring.”

You backed up at an arm's reach, 

“So what does that mean for you?

“Me?”

It’s like going back to read 

an author's first writing,

when his self-indulgence 

should be listed 

with the chapter headings.

“I guess I shouldn’t say something

that you should do

if I’m not willing 

to make it my own reality.”

“This has gotten confusing,”

An illusion 

to an allusion 

whose meaning eludes me,  

such as being consistent with money

when paying the rent 

takes time away from writing

while I’m coincidentally unwilling 

to live on the street,

“Hey, I say. “A man’s gotta eat.”

“What’s that have to do with anything?”

It’s as if realizing 

that interactive fiction 

isn’t an anomaly,

but in fact is in continuity 

with how life should be,

a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure story,

if we aren’t satisfied 

then we can go back 

to the near beginning 

at least few times 

before we have to read

the ending,

the sun starts setting

and it’s a pretty pink,

the color of your lips 

is something I’ll keep,

you look back at me

while I’m standing at the door to say,

“If you flip that switch on again,

just to turn in off,

I don’t think I’ll come back anymore.”